The Day I was Diagnosed with M.S, I started living….
I used to wonder what it’s like to not have to mentally prepare for a doctor’s appointment, where getting difficult news seemed to become the norm.
I used to wonder what it’s like to not have to plan my days meticulously around how I feel, only to let friends down when a sudden headache cancels our plans.
I used to wonder what it’s like to have extra energy, and not have to worry about saving the little bit I may have just to take a shower.
I used to wonder what it’s like to have a body that doesn’t do whatever it wants, whenever it wants.
I used to wonder what it’s like to not have the lingering fear of losing the ability to work and enjoy the hobbies I love doing.
I have accepted that this is my new reality, this is who I have to embrace now. I have stopped wondering.
I could spend all my time grieving, worrying and wondering. This will not change my outcome, but make the journey of my outcome more stressful.
Stress. Stress is scary, unpredictable and different for everyone but it’s something we all have in common. Stress can be debilitating, it’s invisible and it doesn’t result in a positive experience for our bodies.
I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in November 2018. After five years of struggling to figure out why I felt “off”, I was finally given an answer. An answer is all any of us are searching for so we can begin the process of healing. It took many doctors and many visits to try and explain what was going on. I wasn’t presenting the typical symptoms of multiple sclerosis at first so figuring out my diagnosis was even more frustrating. I experienced headaches, light sensitivity, extreme fatigue, leg and foot weakness, numbness, dizziness, optic neuritis, a positive Lyme test, back pain, short term memory loss among many other symptoms. An MRI and spinal tap confirmed my diagnosis and I immediately began Ocrevus treatments.
I knew for those five years something wasn’t right so I kept fighting, I kept advocating even on days I felt the defeat of the unknown. I knew I had to keep on pushing for myself because no one else was going to do it other than me, if I wanted answers I needed to speak up.
I have mentally blocked much of this time out of my memory due to it being the most stressful years of my life. I don’t have exact dates or exact memories but I know the exact moment I was told, I was ready for any battle that came my way. I also know I could not have done this without the help of my supportive boyfriend, family and friends. It’s important to find your support team whether it’s family, friends, coworkers or through online forums. Keep them close.
It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with MS that I actually started living my life. It forced me to be bold and courageous. I had to search for the side of MS that was fun and strong and that made me who I am today. I had to find what made me smile and search for small moments that brought back laughter. I had to remind myself I have so much life to live, this is the start of a brand new chapter.